All In One Day
by DowntonIsMyLife
Summary: Chelsie section of Tapping Noise of Temptation. What was it that made Elsie so upset? And why was Charles blanking her?
1. You Always Feel Differently

**I decided to write this as I sat on my window sill at midnight watching the snow fall tbh it's not that relevant to the story but it's nice to just sit here and watch it. I know I have two other stories to update and I vowed to put off any other ideas till I'd finished them but I couldn't resist.**

**This is linked to Tapping Noise of Temptation, this is what happened to Elsie, the timing might be a little messed up, its December but it's her recounting what's been happening over the last few weeks. Includes a tiny bit of Bates/Anna.**

**Hope it's not too sad**.

I'm not angry at you, I never could be, as much as I want to - I can't. I guess that's what love does. I won't pretend that it doesn't hurt, I'd be lying, it's the most painful thing I've experienced, like someone's reached into my chest ripped out my heart, it's a cliché I know but it's the truth, I'm now living with a broken heart. I can't tell what hurts most; I guess it would have to be not knowing why you've done this, I clearly meant nothing to you as you didn't even give me a reason as to why we can't be together - that's what hurts most, you don't even have a reason. We were such close friends, working side by side for 20 years and apparently in that time you couldn't create any sort of courtesy towards me? I must say I'm highly disappointed, I'm not so weak that I can't handle a bit of criticism, lord knows I get it from others often enough, but I'm disappointed that you who were supposed to be my equal and friend could bring yourself to tell me the truth. I thought I meant more to but clearly I was imagining things, imagining that you might return my feelings,

Clearly you don't.

It took me years to not only realise my feelings but also to accept them, it didn't exactly make working with you any easier, we'd be discussing accounts but all I'd want to would be to lean over and kiss you; 15 years I've had to keep my mouth shut, knowing if you didn't feel the same it would make this awkward but now we're past awkward, you won't even speak to me, you act like I'm not there and if I'm honest I wish I wasn't. To have to see your face every day, a face that used to smile at me, a face that would show compassion to me when others didn't, that same face now kills me to look at. I feel humiliated beyond belief, that you let me show you how I felt and then told me you didn't want it, my worst fear, it took me 15 years to tell you and it took you 15 seconds to destroy everything and throw my feelings back in my face. Yet I'm still not angry, not at you at least, but I'm angry at myself; not only for falling for you so much that it hurts now but for admitting how I felt. I don't regret much in my life but that is something I do, I cannot believe how stupid I was to do it, in the way I did too, it was not only unorthodox but plain silly. I come down on maids that behave in this manner and yet I'm no better.

You came into my sitting room, I had no intention of telling you, we were discussing her lady ship and Miss Swire, how things would change again. I joked at how you'd thought we were getting back to normal and you smiled but commented that you were beginning to get stressed, (I can't imagine that I helped.) We were quiet for a moment before I moved closer to you, noticing the contrast in height between us, feeling very small and timid compared to you. I finally spoke, softly, unsure what on earth I was doing; I asked if I could try and help with your stress, using your first name hoping you might see through the mask I wore. Then it happened. I stood on my tiptoes, placed my hand on your shoulder and kissed you, you were surprised but didn't pull away, you put your hands on my waist to hold me still but the feeling of your fingers made me even more determined for you to know. I put my other hand on your neck and deepened the kiss; years of longing clearly took over because I couldn't bare it when we broke apart. You looked directly into my eyes, I don't know how I could look back at you - it was so inappropriate but yet you allowed me. But it's what you did next that still confuses me now, you pushed me back onto the sofa and kissed me, me bring naive I just allowed you to deepen it, allowed you to run your hands through my hair knocking curls loose, I allowed you run your hand up my thigh to lay on my hip, I allowed you to undo you waistcoat buttons and I whispered it; I whispered I love you, you didn't reply, simply kissed me again -and I let you, thinking you returned how I felt. Now, I'm glad the bell rang, I'm glad it stopped us from going further, as much as I wanted to at the time, knowing now I meant nothing to you, I'm glad we stopped. We didn't speak, simply hurried to become presentable again; I was first and hurried out, informing Jane to go up. I turned to go back and talk to you, but you'd already gone back to your pantry.

I spoke to you later though; again you came to my sitting room. We were silent for a while, you looked at the floor and I tried to think of how to start, I was nervous, excited though for thinking you might tell me those 3 magic words I longed to hear, but instead you said;

"This isn't right"

I felt sick; you were going to throw me over, just like that. All you said was, it wasn't right for you to do what you did, that we couldn't be together. Then you left. That was it, the last thing you've said to me, its weeks later and still nothing. I sat frozen for a minute before I cried, I don't cry normally but I couldn't help it, you caught my heart in that kiss then took it away when you spoke to me. I looked around for you but the servant's hall was empty, as was I, empty and alone.

I went to my room, wanting to curl up into a ball and stay there forever but I was met on the way by Lady Sybil, I couldn't hide my tears from her and she made me tell her what was wrong. I was tired of having feelings with no one to tell them to so I told her; she was comforting but could see it wasn't making a difference. She sent me to bed saying if I needed she could tell people I was ill and let me be by myself the next day. Normally I would be completely against the idea but it felt so appealing, not having to face anyone. That night I'd so wanted to be alone but instead I couldn't sleep and found myself just sitting there looking out at the stars, I heard someone outside the room so I went to investigate, what I find doesn't matter, it's in the past, but the last thing I needed was to have to see another person's heartbreak.

Since that day I have seen 5 more hearts break, all in the space of a week. I must stay strong for Anna; I suppose its worse for her, her husband's been taken away from her, someone who returns her feelings, but at least she's not alone. So I must wear this mask now, my usual one of being a no nonsense housekeeper but now my other of a comforting yet strong woman, a mother to my staff, keeping Anna happy primarily, knowing what it's like to feel like you have no one that cares about you - I don't want her to ever feel like that.

I don't know where we'll go from here. Weeks and you still haven't spoke to me, how many more weeks, how long before things go wrong, this house needs us to be at least on speaking terms to run properly, so how long before it begins to crumble? Maybe it'd be easier if I left. You wouldn't have to face me anymore, wouldn't have to ... well I would say guilty but you don't seem to anyway. I don't know what I'll do, after the war I guess none of us know what'll ever happen in the future.'

But what I do know is, I still love you, despite what you did, I still think we could have made it work between us, you obviously felt otherwise and that's how it'll always be - you'll always feel differently.

**Apologies for any mistakes (written on my iPod) I hope you kinda liked it, please review. I might write something from Charles's POV.**

**And to all those that have it, enjoy the snow ;)**


	2. It's What I Had To Do

**This story certainly demanded another chapter; many of you wanted Charles's explanation :p so here it is.  
>AN: In this story, Anna and Bates were planning to leave together before he got arrested, so the prospect of marriage downstairs is still a bit edgy if you get me ;) So there's still the risk they'd be thrown out regardless of their position.**

I cannot face you now. I cannot bear to look into your eyes anymore. I know I've hurt you, I saw it in your face when I came to you that night. I am sorry, I knew you loved me even before you said, I could tell and if I'm honest for a while I even loved you too, but as the saying goes – all good things must come to an end.  
>You've been my closest friend for twenty years, I could hardly risk that. I have always admired you; you've always been a fantastic colleague with the ability to change into a brilliant friend in the evenings. You've never been overly harsh on the servants, strict when you needed to be but you're the best female role model they could have. I don't want you to think that I don't care about you, or that I like in you in some way because I do care for you and for what it's worth I've always found you highly attractive.<p>

I know my words are useless now, I see that I've hurt you so much you no longer want to acknowledge me, you would rather not have to see me now, I know you feel humiliated but I don't think you should be, it took bravery to do what you did and I cant imagine you've only just begun to feel like that, to risk a lot and admit how you felt must mean you've held those feelings in a long time.

But here is my issue, the risk; you surely knew that a romance would come with a huge risk. I love Downton with all my heart, I've worked here for 50 odd years and I've given most of my life to keep it running. You have worked here for 20 years and although I know your job, you love your job more than the family and house, whereas I live to serve them and see to their needs. You refused a marriage proposal to stay here; you told me it was your job that kept you here but now I can see it was probably another reason. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wasn't very flattered that you admitted how you felt, or that I'm not flattered you actually feel that way at all it's just; it's not right.

Would there be a point in a relationship now? We're not the youngest of people anymore and we're both devoted to our jobs, as much as I would love a relationship with you; is it really right for us to expect the other to give up their lives for this new one that holds so many risks. I'm not sure how long our savings would last, we could attempt to get other jobs but would that really be worth it; when service is all we know?

The family are against relationships downstairs; we know that, you were just head housemaid when you arrived and although I was under-butler, anything would have been highly inappropriate. When you first came here I admit, I imagined what life would be like with you as my wife. I thought about what our wedding day would be like, how our children would look, how great a mother you'd be – I did love you beyond belief. But now I've come to be butler and you've become housekeeper, we're older and wiser. I never imagined that you'd ever return my feelings, especially not when you'd worked so hard to get to the position you're in. I would feel a hypocrite to have a relationship with you secretly, as we come down on other staff for that, but then, I couldn't ask you to leave and it would be difficult for me to leave. The two things I love; my job and you. Unfortunately I cannot have both, I must choose between you and as much as it pains me to say this, I have to choose my job. When Lady Mary asked me to leave and come with her, as much as I wanted to go and help her, I desperately wanted to stay with you; what would be the point of leaving both my job _and _you.

I don't deserve you, you're wonderful and it was my stubbornness that denied you something you clearly wanted so I don't feel and can now simply enter a relationship with you when I don't feel I can give you what you want; part of me will always think it's wrong.

I was selfish that evening, I should have stopped you, as much as I know that would have hurt you; I can't imagine what _did _happen was any easier. You took me by surprise when you kissed me, I thought if you were ever going to tell me, you would say it, you're not normally one for being so forward. As soon as your lips touched mine, I couldn't help but respond to you, as you would have probably done had I kissed you. But after the first kiss, I couldn't keep my hands off you; I knew I shouldn't, it was utterly wrong, if we didn't consider how it could affect us in the future, we probably didn't consider that anyone could walk in. I had to kiss you just once more, hoping it might give me an inkling as to whether I should follow my head or my heart; I wanted so badly to be able to follow my heart, be able to love you regardless of any distractions, for a while my heart took charge and I went further than I know I should have. Pushing you onto your settee, kissing you far too passionately, knocking your hair loose and caressing every part of you and trying to ignore the voice in my head telling me this was wrong and would end badly. You whispered that you loved me, I know I didn't respond but I heard, I heard it and I wanted to respond, wanted to tell you I loved you as well, but I couldn't. It was a promise, giving myself to you and I couldn't do that, there'd be no going back if I told you I loved you. I needed you to think I didn't for this to be easier, it hurts me to know I've hurt you but I couldn't tell you I loved you then told you we couldn't be together, the only way I could explain it without telling you anymore was to not tell you I loved you. That bell really did saves things for us, you were taking over my mind and I'm not sure if I would have had the will to stop myself from having you completely, as if saying I love you wasn't going to tie me down, that would have been catastrophic. My dear, please don't think that I didn't honestly want you to know I loved you and wanted to be with you physically as much as anything else, but it couldn't work and I didn't want to promise you something and then break your heart – I had to do it before anything serious happened.

I don't know where we go from here, I don't know how to face you really, I suppose there was no easy way out of this whatever happened. Hopefully we can be civil at some point, otherwise the running of the house will suffer and I don't want that, but then again I don't want to have to go through the day as we used to; spending time with each other as we did, you thinking your love is unrequited, me wondering why on earth we're both sitting here when I know we both love the other – everything about it is stupid but it's what I had to do.

I'm truly sorry my love but it's what I had to do.

**I hope you like this one and the story isn't too sad. At first I couldn't actually think of a reason for Charles to reject Elsie but I hoped this stretched belief. Think I should do more? Please review :)**


	3. You'll Find Out When I'm Gone

**Well my friend said I should have this done for Valentine's Day so I have. I'll be honest, I really didn't know how to continue this ;) I'll need your ideas as you all seem to love it.**

**Currently captivated with Lovejoy, or more Phyllis Logan's character Lady Jane, yet another character that won't risk friendship for a possible romance :'( Well I still live in hope that series 3 will finally bring 'Chelsie' together. **

Months, it's been months and you've barely said anything to me. You only speak when you literally have to, you've been getting Anna to convey messages to me, it seems childish and that girl has enough on her plate without needing to become a go between with us. She's now running the house just as much as we are, she's head housemaid and she takes care of all the young ladies, like she really needs extra things to do.  
>I have to confess I'm contemplating retirement, I know I'm not quite there in age but I have enough money saved up to live comfortably, I'm not sure how much longer I can be at Downton anymore, I've always been there for you, I may have loved my job but I loved you more and that's why I've been here all these years – for you. I turned down Joe because of the possibility that maybe you might share my feelings and we could have a life together, but no, I ruined two chances of a different life, on where I wouldn't feel alone and unwanted – I don't know how you feel, but I find that hard to bear.<p>

I'm trying to stay strong, for many reasons, mainly because I don't want to seem feeble and weak – like I can't handle rejection, I can, just not from you. You, who I have devoted my entire life to, always concerned with your welfare; caring for you when you're ill, nagging you to go and rest every so often – I know it was annoying but I was only doing it because I care about you and I never wanted to see you hurt or in pain.  
>So that's why that night three years ago scared me beyond belief, I never knew it was possible to feel that petrified, so scared that you cannot focus on anything, you can forget your work, your entire life, simply engulfed in a moment of fear. You'd been working yourself far too hard, insisting that we couldn't alter the way things were run simply because there was a war on, I know it's hard for you to accept change but you really should have listened to me, I told you delegate some work onto others but you insisted on doing everything yourself. I nearly lost you. I was lucky to be up there, or I would have inevitably been told by Anna, I could barely keep my composure in front of the staff so I can't imagine being able to contain my tears in front of Anna. I came in to find you with the family surrounding you; Nurse Crawley calming you down and the others trying desperately to help you. You have no idea how hard it was for me to stand there helplessly knowing it would be wrong of me to do anything, I simply had to instruct the staff. I glanced back to see them taking you out, taking you away from me, like everything did, it just took you away.<br>You survived thank heaven, you let me come and give you your medicine. What was I supposed to say? I wanted to throw my arms around you and hold you there, to lay my head on your chest, hear your heartbeat and know you're still there, that you're fine and never going to scare me like that again – but it wasn't appropriate and now I know how you feel, it would have only made things worse.

Three years later and I'm still haunted by the nightmares; they alter slightly. In some, you do have a heart attack, in some I throw myself onto you and you're angry at me; either way it's not nice to be reminded of that night.  
>It used to me my dreams that were filled of you, now it's my nightmares. Your reluctance to acknowledge has fuelled them so they occur every night, I rarely sleep now; all I can hear are those words; This isn't right.<br>I wanted to have the words; I love you, forever in my mind but no, I must be haunted by your stern voice, the words that pierced my heart and left a permanent wound that will never heal. I'm too old to find anyone else and even if I wasn't I wouldn't want anyone else, it's always been you, never anyone else, always you. I don't regret devoting myself entirely to you, I just regret that you don't return my feelings. I would have happily carried on, blissfully unaware that you didn't feel anything towards me, because to know that you were happy was all I needed to feel adequate – it would have taken your heart to make me happy but now I'll never be happy.

I made up my mind, it took a few days but I finally decided. I didn't tell anyone, it would make things easier, I didn't need a lot of fuss, I simply had to tell one person and let everyone else find out afterwards. His Lordship was surprised, actually that's an understatement – he was stunned that I wanted to leave, he never expected me to leave before you and he certainly didn't think I would leave now, he felt I would have had at least another ten maybe twelve years before I considered retirement, he was very shocked that I should want to leave now. He didn't questioned me, simply asked me repeatedly if I was sure about what I was doing, I am sure, I told him that. He shook my hand and held it there, my sad smile gave me away, he asked me;

"What's happened between you?"

I didn't have to ask who else he was referring to, but it brought it back down to earth for me; the house clearly was affected by our silence and his lordship had noticed. I tried to answer but instead for some reason I chose to humiliate myself and cry. I couldn't control it, couldn't keep it in any longer, luckily his Lordship appeared to be expecting some sort of sadness, he sat me down in an armchair and brought his chair up to sit beside me and he took hold of my hand again; it felt nice to feel someone's strong hand around mine, it's just a shame that it wasn't the right man.  
>He waited a few minutes for my tears to subside before he asked me what had happened, he reminded me that I didn't have to tell him but he would like the honest reason as to why I wanted to leave. I tried to tell him I was silly in what I had done, I had messed up our friendship because of my selfish heart but he interrupted telling me I couldn't be any less selfish if I tried. He patiently waited, he would have sat there for hours until I told him. So I thought if I'm leaving he might as well know the fool I made of myself.<br>I told him that I admitted how I felt for you, I left out the kissing on my settee, simply altering the story by saying you rushed out as soon as the bell went off, then that you'd come back that evening and told me it wasn't right and how it felt like you'd reached into my chest and crushed my heart with your hand. It was only when I confessed to being in love with you for fifteen years that his Lordship interjected again, saying that he could certainly see why I was upset and wanted to leave, he commented that it didn't sound like you, to simply announce it wouldn't work without giving a explanation; I realised I hadn't thought about that, simply been upset that you'd done it, but I merely regarded that I probably scared you with my forwardness.

He didn't ask anymore, simply said that he and the family would certainly miss me, making me promise to keep in touch – I had no choice seeing as I was to leave with barely any notice and reason. He had offered me a cottage in the grounds but I didn't want to be anywhere near Downton, the risk of seeing you once in a while would only dig up painful memories – I would stay with my sister and be as far away from Downton as I could be.

Returning to my pantry I passed you on the way, you were talking to Anna so I quickly adverted my gaze to her; you both looked at me intently before I remembered that it would still be clear that I'd been crying. I tried to hurry off but Anna asked what was wrong before I could. I dont think I even gave an answer, simply mumbled something, but I couldn't face talking to anyone, especially not you. If we were still talking I would have explained to you that I'm leaving, but as we aren't I can't, so like all the others - you'll simply find out when I'm gone.

**I know it's a sad story but it's about love and I will try and cheer it up ;)  
>Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!<br>Please review, any reviews today will be birthday presents :D ValentineBaby ftw!**


	4. Stay With Me Forever

**18tillidie and mellastar convinced me to update this, I know it's a sad story on Valentine's Day but Elsie's chapters are going to be the saddest. Thank you for your lovely reviews so far!**

I hadn't seen you all day, I know you've been avoiding me but today I didn't see you at all, only at meals and even then you rushed off as so as you were finished. I wish you would just let me talk to you, let me explain, I know you don't want to be around me but just for five minutes, please let me explain.  
>I heard your keys as you came out of your sitting room, I rushed to the door but when I got there I could already see your feet at the top of the stairs, I wasn't sure why you were going upstairs but I hoped I could catch you when you came down again.<br>I sat in my pantry contemplating what to say, how was I supposed to tell you this without upsetting your further? There was the chance that you would be even more upset to hear that I hold my job higher than you; it sounds worse when you say it but what's the point of risking our livelihoods just for a romance  
>But as I sat there thinking, I was interrupted by Anna, as soon as she was allowed to enter she shut the door behind her and stood assertively in front of the desk with a determined look, the kind I only ever saw you wear when you had an idea you weren't going to back down from it.<br>I asked her what she wanted, saying I was busy to try and get her to go reasonably quickly however she noticed that I hadn't been doing anything so she informed me that I clearly wasn't busy so she would be able to have my undivided attention. I was surprised at her boldness but I was so tired I wasn't in the mood to argue with her.

She told me that she knew that we'd been avoiding each other and she wanted to know the reason why we were making her send messages to the other, why after all these years of being such close friends – now we weren't talking. She said that she cared for you and how you felt, that she couldn't bear to see you so upset and she would like to know at least what had made you upset, even if she could help, she wanted to know.  
>I tried to steer her off the subject but she was insistent on me telling her. So I did.<br>I couldn't believe I was telling her, things I'd never even told you for years, I told her in a minute. Told her that I loved you but couldn't be with you, the fact that I knew you loved me and I had to go against everything my heart was saying and tell you it wasn't right and I couldn't be in a romantic relationship with you – told her that it killed me to see how sad you were, how let down you looked and I know you feel guilty, thinking you shouldn't have kissed me but believe me I have never been happier, just in that moment I was purely happy. Afterwards, common sense dawned on me and I had to say no to you.  
>Anna was sympathetic, she understands love very well know, she told me that there wasn't much of a chance that we could regain the same level of friendship again, knowing that as much as you could try and put it behind you, you wouldn't be able to fully get over the rejection I caused you but I would do anything to at least try and get back onto speaking terms with you. The sound of your voice has always been the greatest comfort to me, besides the occasional brief touch, your Scottish accent, relaxing and sensual, distracting me from anything that is worrying me – you could read the linen rotaries to me and I could fall into a gentle slumber with a smile on my face, your voice continuing in my head.<p>

I've never received orders from another member of staff, especially not one lower than me but I needed to find some way of talking to you and making amends. I let Anna help, Anna's always been there for anyone who needs her and she's always been willing to help; I've never found I personally needed her to help me but when I was finally at a loss as to what to do, she was more understanding than I could have realised.  
>She told me that all this would be killing you inside, I knew that you would be upset, but Anna seemed worried at how it was affecting your work, she said you were distracted and always looked like you wanted to cry. I tried to look at you but every time I did you would look away, not wanting to look at my face but I knew you weren't one for showing your emotions in public so all those times you shut yourself in your sitting room, I know you were crying.<br>Anna told me that even if you didn't want to see me, what you would want was an apology and an explanation even if you did want to speak. How would you react though, knowing the truth, surely it would be worse, working along beside me knowing I chose my job over you, but I also choose my job over my happiness.

So I decided I would go and talk to you at least, I wanted to hear you tell me how you felt; I wanted to hear it from you when we weren't in a rushed moment of passion. I wanted you to know that I did return your feelings, then maybe you wouldn't feel so guilty but then again I know you'll be even more unhappy to hear that after years of silence you've finally found I love you too but cannot be with you.  
>I would have to go in the evening because I could never find a moment to speak to you during the day. But I didn't see you at all, you could've not been there for all I knew, it was only when I spoke to his Lordship that I knew something was actually going on. He told me I <em>needed <em>to speak to you, even if we never spoke afterwards, I needed to talk to you – he didn't say why, he simply said I had to talk to you and if necessary he would give me the entire evening off to get some time alone with you. I had no idea that the fact we simply didn't talk had become so obvious that we were now being told to explain things to one another. I was worried the management of the house must be visibly falling below standard but he reassured me that it wasn't, he simply wanted us back on speaking terms. So with two people telling me I had to talk to you, I decided I would.

I went to your sitting room that evening, determined to speak to you, but upon opening the door found your room desolate and empty, all your possessions in a box on your desk, the lights off and a horrible hollow sensation coming out of it and you were nowhere to be found.  
>Upon exiting your sitting room I asked the staff if they'd seen you, they all shook their heads blankly apart from Anna who stood up slowly and made her way over to me, looking grim, she whispered to me that you were planning to leave but she was the only one who'd been told as you didn't want anyone to either convince you to stay or make a fuss of it. She said you'd spoken to his Lordship you were in your room packing your things. As inappropriate as it was, if this was to be your last night I chose to disregard the rules and go to your room. You were leaving; you were going to walk out of my life forever. I couldn't let you, I couldn't have you leave. It took that for me to realise everything – how stubborn and inconsiderate I'd been. Breaking your heart for a job that meant nothing to me if you weren't here. If you were going to leave then I wanted to go with you, I didn't want to be without you at all. I'm utterly in love with you and I couldn't bear not seeing you every day. So when I got to your room, I flung the door open, you were standing there, tears pouring down your perfect cheeks, you spun round startled as I entered, surprised that we were finally looking at each other again.<p>

I couldn't think what I should say, so choosing to try your technique. I leant down, slid my hands around your waist and kissed you with as much love and passion as I could manage. It was as inappropriate as when you'd done it but I couldn't have cared for any rule in the world because I did it if only for you to know I love you, but preferably to make you stay, to stay with me – forever.

**There you go 18tillidie, they reconciled ;) One more chapter I think.  
>Hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day :)<strong>


	5. No Better Day than Valentines Day

**Final chapter, so the happy ending appeared to begin last chapter, but you never know – they kissed before and it didn't go well after, maybe Elsie's more angry and hurt than she lets on.**

His Lordship told me to tell you that I was leaving, not necessarily tell you why but at least tell you that I was going, said I owed it to you at least to tell you that I was going, instead of letting you simply find my sitting room empty and no letter. I considered writing you a letter but I'm pretty sure you could have worked everything out yourself; you know I hate an atmosphere and this was the worst kind I could ever have imagined.

I went to my sitting room that afternoon, packed up everything as quickly and quietly as I could, the last thing I needed was you walking in while I was trying to pack. I could tell that I'd been here for fifteen years, I filled an entire box with my possessions, when I came here it was only half full. The last thing I packed were the photographs from around the room, memories of my childhood and family and ones that I have held very dear to me; the ones of us, his lordship wanted there to be photos of staff and then one of the butler and housekeeper together; ten photos that I've always held on my heart each night hoping one day we might have one together where we're standing closer together, maybe you'd have your arm around me or holding my hand, then I could hold that photo and be thankful instead of wishful.  
>Everything was laid neatly in the box, I glanced around that room, noting how empty it felt; years I'd spent in there, with you nearly every evening, talking, laughing, able to be ourselves with each other instead of Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes, together we were Charles and Elsie, completely comfortable and happy with each other; just nothing more than friends.<p>

The evening was coming on fast so I lit the oil lamps, I didn't want the electric ones on, I had a headache and didn't feel up to being under the glare of the lights. I sat in my chair as I had done every day for years, I leant back and closed my eyes; soon I would be over in St Anne's with everything behind me; no more housekeeping, no more Downton, no more you. As sad as that prospect would have made me in the past, now it was a blessing.  
>No one bothered me, it appeared I must have been lucky that afternoon, usually the maids would hound me with a thousand questions but no one came to me, except Anna, I chose to be as calm as I could be when she came in, trying to act like there wasn't anything going on though she's not so unobservant she wouldn't have noticed the box and empty room.<br>I had to tell her, though I wasn't too bothered, besides you, she's one of my closest friends; she's like my daughter, I've taught her how to run the house so she'd be a fine replacement for me and I'd be more than happy to know the position when to her rather than O'Brien. She was upset that I was leaving, didn't seem to insistent to know why, I told her that I'd had a rewarding job at Downton but it was now time to leave. I was surprised she didn't ask more on why I was leaving but I was almost glad. She was unhappy though and would miss me, she didn't deny it – it was nice to know someone would. She begged me to tell the others, or let her but I forbade it, I wanted to leave silently and that was what I would do.

After dinner, I went to my room, neatly folding my clothes into my bags, again filling more bags than I thought I would. When I got to the final one I held it up, the dress I'd worn that evening; it had been my usual evening dress but after that night I didn't want to wear it again so I'd hidden it at the back of my wardrobe, hidden from sight, hidden from mind. The beading glittered in the low lamp light; I sighed and laid it neatly on top of the others.

That was when you came in, I would have been startled enough had it been a maid, but it had been you. You'd come into my room, the scrupulous butler with all his rules had come into his housekeepers bedroom late in the evening – I would have laughed had I not been so worried as to what was about to happen.

You crossed over to me without a word; a look of determination on your face. You looked sad behind the determination, I easily gathered what had happened, Anna had told you, it all made sense; she hadn't asked why I was leaving because she knew the whole story, from where I don't know, but she hadn't asked because she guessed, I was so sad that I felt I needed to leave so clearly she'd gone and told you. I wasn't angry, just confused; what were you going to do?

I couldn't have imagined though, that you would do what you did. I thought I kissed with passion that could convey a message but you could've conveyed the works of Shakespeare with that kiss. You held my waist to support me, I'm glad you did as I could feel my legs giving way slightly. I couldn't care less what had happened to make you change your mind, even if you were simply saying goodbye and it was some sort of apology – after months of silence, you were kissing me.  
>You pulled back, clearly with reluctance but I wasn't in a hurry to part so I leaned towards you, my hand on your cheek but you turned away. I thought you were going to say it was wrong, if you had I would have happily given you a slap but instead you pulled me closer to you, whispering;<p>

"Only if you stay – with me"

I couldn't believe my ears, I'd wanted you to say you loved me for so long but for you to ask me to stay here with you, it was just as good – for the time being.  
>I told you I would, I'd stay with you forever if you asked me to and after informing me that you'd be more than happy with that arrangement you allowed me to kiss you, my arms around your neck but without holding back, there was no need, I no longer had to worry about whether you returned my feelings. Of course, I still didn't know your reason for that night but for now I was happy with the ignorance and immersed myself in the feeling of you holding me tightly against you as you gently explored my mouth with your tongue.<p>

You let me rest my head against your shoulder as you sat us down on my bed, gently rubbing my arm with your thumb and held my hand. You mumbled your apologies and I accepted them but I didn't mind, not anymore, you told me you loved me so why would I mind that you'd simply been too cautious to tell me before.  
>I told you that his Lordship would allow us to stay on regardless of anything as long as we were both happy; you were surprised that I'd told his Lordship but I explained everything, it reminded me that I would need to tell his Lordship I wouldn't be leaving but as I got up, so did you, still holding my hand. You wanted to come with me, I couldn't imagine why you wanted to be with you but I was deliriously happy and certainly wouldn't say no to you going anywhere with me.<p>

We entered the study together, you'd let go of my hand by then but placed your hand on my back as we entered. Luckily his Lordship was still up and was drinking port. He was surprised to see me and then for you to follow as well. He guessed by the look on our faces that I was about to withdraw my resignation and he was certainly glad. We were about to leave before you held onto my arm to keep me there – I was as confused as his Lordship. You said you had something to ask him, I thought you'd let go of my arm once I'd turned round but instead you moved it down to my hand and entwined your fingers with mine. I was slightly worried as to what you were going to do, I had an idea but it was too ludicrous to think it, his lordship must have been thinking the same thing because when he saw our entwined hands he raised his eyebrows.  
>It took my breath away, what you asked him;<p>

"My lord, we would like to ask your permission, to marry, we presume you wouldn't have any objections but we would like to ask all the same."

Once again you hand to hold me up, I was couldn't believe at how many emotions I could feel for you in one day. His lordship commented that this must be the first I'd heard as my expression was one of amazement. You both laughed and he happily gave us his best wishes saying if we waited a little he'd see about Mr Travis being able to perform the ceremony saying he would gladly allow the staff to come, as long as the family could too. It was shocking but he was insistent, you'd worked there forty years and he wasn't about to let you get married without making a fuss.  
>Years of wondering whether coming into service was a mistake, years of wondering if I'd ever have any love other than unrequited and years of being utterly infatuated with you – and you'd just asked to marry me. You hadn't asked because you knew the answer, imagined it for years but finally knew for definite.<br>Although the last few months have been the worst of my life, I suppose we must all suffer a little pain if we are to get the things we really love. And I couldn't imagine a better day to've asked me to marry you – than Valentine's Day.

**Thank you to all my faithful reviewers :) I hope you're happy with the happy ending.  
>Omg, I have no more stories to update :o Wow, feels weird.<br>I may try writing a Lovejoy fanfic soon but I have a few more Chelsie ones in mind.**


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